New diet..... woohoo :)

so i've started a new diet and plan to stick with it. It is a diet for women with pcos, pretty much a diabetic diet. I can't have anything white, white bread, white rice, tortillas ect. instead i have to have whole wheat :( blah but oh well. I also can't have any sugar or snack foods. so pretty much i'm living of proteins like nuts eggs and meat. And i can also have as many veggies and fruits as i want besides the good ones like potatoes and corn. I started it on saturday and it is really hard when your husband takes a big bite into pizza :( or on fast sunday feeding your little one goldfish and you know you can't have them and not because it's fast sunday :) it was even worse when she kept offering them to me :) so for saturday dinner i made burritos with whole wheat tortillas, brown rice, black beans and some cilantro and other stuff. They were actually really good. Sunday i made a beef thingamajig in the crockpot that you put over egg noodles. it was pretty good too. Now i'm enjoying a smoothie of fruit and ice for breakfast. If anyone would like to try this diet with me i will post the recipies for you. I'm going to go till thanksgiving and see if i lose a pound. If i do i'll keep going if not i'll.... ah who knows...
well wish me luck i'll need all i can get.

VENTING!!! Probably regret this post....This post has details many may not like :)

I'm going to start off by saying: If you can't say nuffin nice don't say nuffin at all. I'm not doing this to make people feel sorry for me or send me love notes. I'm doing it for me. I want to let out how i feel so it's not all bottled up inside anymore and i want to let you know who i am and where i come from when i say... Hi I'm coya and i don't like me.
So I'll probably regret putting this up but i have a lot on my mind and i can't sleep and strangely neither can tiny. I have been getting pretty down lately. Which is totally normal since the beginning of things. Most of you know but maybe not all. Ever since puberty i knew something was different with me. I was always very little and very skinny when i was a girl. As soon as six grade hit i got chunky... not horrible but i wasn't a stick like what should be in my jeans. All through high school i battled with my weight. Now that i look back i didn't look that bad but i thought so. I battled it even to the point where i would go for a long time without eating and still no weight loss. I felt horrible inside emotionally. On the outside i showed confidence but on the inside i had no self esteem whatsoever. The only thing i had was my voice and I'm not gonna lie most of the time i liked that about me :) Which sadly i don't even have that anymore. no really i can't sing anymore at all. I had only one or two periods my whole Jr high and high school career, but i didn't really care cause i hated them anyways. Well when i graduated i decided to get it checked out and what do you know it was a problem. I was diagnosed with a hormonal imbalance called PCOS or Polycystic ovarian syndrome. Which basically boils down to not having enough estrogen and instead of ovulating and releasing eggs, the follicles they are supposed come from turn into cysts which sometimes rupture which is excruciatingly painful. Come to find out many of my issues growing up were because of this. Every woman with pcos has different symptoms but a few of mine included. Weight problems, excess facial hair, ovarian cysts, low self esteem, hair loss, acne, cramping, among many other things. I was put on birth control and actually lost weight and the acne. I was happier. Then when i got married and we decided to try for children it got worse. I knew i would have a hard time getting pregnant most women with pcos don't get pregnant. As soon as i went off birth control and went on fertility drugs i gained 30 pounds almost instantly. It was hard but i was handling it. I kept saying i don't mind the weight gain if i had a reason to look pregnant. It took a year of treatments but we were so excited when it did happen. Overall in the pregnancy i gained 80pds! although 30 of it came off the day i had her because i was so dang swollen. I love Mady and am so glad that i have her but she really messed me up. :) I found a site tonight for women with pcos and it's nice to see that other women feel exactly like i do. it would be so nice to be able to have a friend who knows how i feel and what I'm going through. If i thought i had issues in high school it is a million times worse now. I don't even recognize myself. I'm absolutely disgusted by what i see in the mirror. I'm sixty pounds overweight and i feel it. I have been trying since i have had mady to lose weight. the facial hair is back and i love the comments of "ew gross that is on your face i thought it was a stray hair." I don't even like to go outside my apartment because i feel like a freak. i don't like to go anywhere alone or without Mady so i can say I'm not just fat cause I'm lazy. I feel like everyone is staring at me thinking wow she is big. And don't get me started on seeing people i haven't seen for a few years! I'm scared of what the future holds. diabetes, ovarian cancer, high blood pressure among many things women with pcos tend to get. and i fear a million times more that Mady or if i have any other girls with have to go through the same thing as me or worse. and ahead of time i apologize with all my heart if you do. i feel alone a lot of the time because i don't know anybody i can relate to. people tell me just eat right and exercise and you will lose weight. I have tried everything but have never seen results and it's not all about weight either. i feel like I'm not even a woman. I get hormonal migraines practically every day. i feel ugly and try being sexy when you feel like a hairy male whale. :) haha Hair growing quickly everywhere it shouldn't and falling out where it should be. There is no way i could ever feel sexy... not so good on the marriage. we have been trying to get pregnant again for about half a year now. I'm so sick of all the hot flashes mood swings among a million other things. And the worst part is our expenses. We are stuck in life right now, not in college, not moving on. in less than a year our savings went from 10,000 to 3,000 and continue to go down. We spent one whole paycheck in one week with two doctors visits. i want to stop trying and stop spending money on it but I'm afraid it won't ever happen again. I'm scared that since I'm so overweight having another baby will make me even bigger and i will get diabetes. Don't scoff it is extremely possible and likely. i keep trying to exercise but i think what is the point of working my butt off and getting my hopes up if i don't lose a pound? i know this is just a pity party and you didn't have to read it. I already feel better letting it out. I don't have anyone to relate to. My own mom was even lucky enough not to have to deal with it. that bugs me because it is genetic so where in heck did i get it from. I know that everyone has their trials and this is mine but i kinda wish it was an outside deformation of some sort because I'm sure people look at me and see nothing wrong when on the inside I'm in pain, crying, and being eaten inside out. I'm not depressed i suffer from a disease that there is no cure for and I'm trying to learn to like myself the way i am. It is a long road but i know with love of family, friends, and the Lord i can get through anything. If anyone actually reads this who has PCOS please let me know because right now... i need a friend. I'm gonna try and sleep now hopefully Mady decides to as well. Night all :)

Happy Halloween!!! :)

so our Halloween started on Monday :) For Fhe we carved some fun pumpkins can you tell whose is whose?




Now can you? :) hehe




then Tuesday i had my friends over for a early Halloween party :) it was fun the girls made some decorations while the boys played wii. :) Then we all played bingo and had some treats. Here are some pics :) ...














Then thursday we went to our wards halloween party it was fun but sorry no pictures. Mady didn't enjoy taking the candy from people dressed up for trunk or treating but she sure does enjoy candy just as much as her mom... uh oh :)
Then saturday we spent well i spent making sugar cookies some included spiderwebs like this one.... john watched football and played playstation :)



Last night was our family Halloween party that was actually on halloween :) We had lasagna and garlic bread and salads. Then we voted on best and funniest costume. Then we took a halloween quiz winner won a bag of candy. Then we enjoyed dessert of spider web cookies and poison root beer floats. :) then we ended the night chatting with brandon kristen and ethan :) it was fun :) John was indiana jones i was a fairy catcher and i caught a very cute fairy... Madylena :) Tyrel was a fighter pilot, vandy was a pig. Jason was doodle jump. My mom was a cowboy :) My dad was a doctor :) see if you can guess what kind haha it was hilarious :) here are some pics... :)




















Well i think that is about it :) here are some recent pictures of mady :) soon i will post pics of our family that laura did for us :) have a good week :)

Homemade soft pretzels and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies

My plans got canceled today so I decided to do some baking :) here is the link to the pumpkin chocolate chip cookies :)
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/george-duran/pumpkin-chocolate-chip-cookies-recipe/index.html

And here is my recipe for homemade pretzels :)

10.5 oz water
.33 oz yeast
16 oz all purpose flour or 12oz bread flour and 4 oz pastry flour
.1oz salt
.3oz sugar

soak the yeast in the water and then add to the flour and mix it all together. Make five ounce balls and roll into a string and make into a pretzel shape. Dip into baking soda and water. and cook at 500 degrees for 8-9 minutes or until brown. Cover in butter and salt and enjoy :)

Pizza rolls

So that is what i tried for the first time. you stuff the pizza toppings minus the sauce in Pillsbury pizza crust and top it with garlic salt butter and Italian seasonings. Bake it at four hundred for like 15 minutes and then dip it in warm marinara sauce. It was the best recipe but i think it would be better if you made your own pizza dough. It would be a fun recipe for a date or to do with kids. coming up next for recipes are: creamy mac and cheese, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, soft pretzels and spider web sugar cookies.... prepare yourself!!! :)

A new way :)

so after looking at a lot of great recipies on blogs i have decided that i'm going to make a lot of them. We spend a lot of money on food anyway why don't i make it more fun and interesting. The question i have is when i post them do you want me to just do the picture or do you want the recipe as well? well i will probably be putting up my first one soon let me know :) should be fun :)

I Just knew stacie would tag me :)

I actually don't mind i don't have all that much to do Mady is still sleeping thanks to the wonderful winter early morning darkness :) so i was tagged to answer eight questions so here we go :)
1-what is your recent favorite commercial right now?
This one is way to easy and I'm sure a lot of people will agree with me on this one... its the Geico this little piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home! seriously just an awesome commercial :)
2-what do you and your husband argue most often about?
Usually its either me wanting him to do something like talk more, clean up after himself, or money issues and not wanting to eat out and get fat and poor. But more often than not it is usually on movie characters, whose voice is which character, what other movies they played in.... that kind of thing :)
3-if i was the lunch lady at school what would i make for lunch to gross them out?
This one is a little more difficult and as i recall Stacie a lot of people loved that Pb&j pizza :) I don't know I'd make liver and onions i guess cause that is what they always say is so gross in all the movies. I've never had it and i will never have it either :)
4-which clique would you say you belonged to in high school?
i don't know which clique i was in... i wasn't in the popular group the weirdos or losers but i wasn't in the goody Mormon group either.... if anybody would like to tell me which group i was in i would much appreciate it :) upon asking this question i now feel so lost and confused hahaha :)
5-post the seventh picture down in your first file of pictures what is it?



This picture is outside of Jackson hole at the top of the hill. john and i went here quite a few times before we got married. that's about it.
6-what is your worst experience as an employee?
Working at sonic i had this white trash couple chew me out for not having a certain meal anymore which obviously i had NO control over. They were both yelling and swearing at me and i just said there was nothing i could do that is corporate and i just bring the food. The other people eating called the cops on these people because they were being so incredibly mean to me. I went back in to sonic and did the one thing i absolutely hate doing in front of people...i burst into tears.... worst experience ever.
7-what item can you never walk by in the grocery store without seriously thinking of getting?
ummmmm everything! and i usually end up getting it. any of you who have been to our apartment know we have everything available to snack on at our place. If you are hungry come here that's what we are known for ahaha.... oreo's are up there lately though :)
8-the most awkward thing that has happened to me in the last week?
when Jason and I were driving to and from St George i wanted to sit up front with Jason but Mady demanded my attention so i had to crawl into the back by going in between the seats. It was hard to do and i was practically sticking my butt in his face and everyone Else's driving by. It wasn't so bad to do when i was skinny but for a fat person it is a little more difficult :) and embarrassing.

Well that is eight questions hope you enjoyed it haha :) so now i have to make up eight questions and tag eight people to answer them so here we go....
1- watch show do you secretly love to watch but wouldn't want anyone to know? :)
2- Which of the five senses would you get rid of if you had to choose one?
3-get into the third folder and go to the tenth picture and post it and tell us the story behind it. if you don't have ten pictures in that folder go to the next and count to the number you had left from counting the last one... does that make sense?
4-who is your favorite family member in law style!!! :) haha good luck
5-what are you most excited for this christmas?
6-if you had to choose between having 12+ kids or only being able to have one which would you choose?
7- To get ready for halloween, name one of your biggest fears?
8- if you only had a few words to describe me what would they be? :) hehe had to throw one in about me of course :) hehe

so now i have to tag eight people... here we go... ready?....drum roll........ ok they are....
kristen murri
allison miller
amber miles
bonnie haas
jessica reid
emily duncan
vandy and tyrel murri
allie beck cooper