overwhelmed

well these last two weeks have been quite crazy indeed. I had just gotten back from Washington when both tiny and i got sick then when i thought i was starting to get better john got sick with a nasty stomach flu that i in turn received the next day it was awful. We had a trip planned to the condo that had gotten moved several times so i was determined to keep it. I still wasn't feeling too well when we left Friday but i was going to have fun anyways. i did have fun. Tiny stayed with my parents and i was told was an absolute angel. In the process of getting sick i had gone from 150~ pounds to 142~ well the crappy part about my stupid hormones is all i needed to do was eat one meal and now I'm back to where i was. so much for all the up chucking and starving. I thought being sick would have at least one benefit ha ha nope :) now i am home and before we all head to Stacie's cabin on Friday i have to make up for two weeks of being gone and being sick. my apartment is disastrous. It doesn't help that it is so full of stuff :) i can't wait to move :) hopefully that comes in the following two months, a house would be nice :) haha well I'll write again probably about the cabin adventures :) tuduloos

valentines without my hubby....

well this holiday has been kind of a bitter sweet experience i guess you could say. Saturday john and i planned to spend together and guess what? i hurt my neck and got sick woohoo :) then sunday we listened to quintin l cook speak to us in our stake. then had a yummy rib dinner with me john mady my parents ty and jason it was good. Then i shipped off to If with my parents left my hunny on valentines to fly by myself and my baby to washington. MAdy and i have been staying with my in laws. mady got to see a lot of family she hasn't been able to see yet. It is fun for her to get to know new family yet sadly she now knows when she doesn't know someone. so she isn't always too happy. Yesterday we went into canada to go see the torch. Janica got sick on the way and ended up fainting. I feel bad she got sick but i am so happpy i was able to take her ticked to watch the pairs free style figure skating. It was such an awesome experience not sure if i'll make it to the olympics ever again! :) tomorrow we are going to whistler in Canada for you who don't know that is where all the snow and outside olympics are. I hope it isn't too wet so mady can stay warm and we can have fun. I love being here but i really really wish john could have come with us. Valentines didn't really seem to have happened.

my new super power :)

MADY DOES NOT LIKE THE FLASH ON THE CAMERA BUT IT MAKES HER MAKE FUNNY FACES HEHE


So i've discovered a new super hero power i have i know things that i shouldn't know... a few examples being... john said don't make plans for saturday we are going to have a lazy day but we are not watching heros... the first thought that popped into my head was Lord Of the rings Marathon. Yesterday john said hey coya want to know what we are going to do on saturday? i said sure he said we will get up have breakfast then watch the first lord of the rings then the second and then the third :) he wasn't too happy that i already knew that without him even having to tell me i love suprises but they abviously don't happen too often because of my super powers :) so if anyone can ever suprise me major props to them :) another is with mady i often get thoughts put into my head dealing with her. Yesterday i was at my parents house doing laundry and i had mady up in my old room sleeping i was down on the computer and instantly thought i should go check on her see if she is awake so she doesn't roll off the high bed. I went upstairs and sure enough not makeing a peep she was awake. My favorite example is with my dad. My dad is a bishop in a ward and he was trying to decide who to pick for his elders quoram president. He asked me and instantly i said "derick" (at least i think that is the name i said) it was the first name that popped into my head. My dad mouth dropped to the floor. "How do you know him?" "i don't dad, its just the first name that popped into my head." haha that is the guy my dad had been thinking of more so than others and now he is the pres. haha i love super powers. I just wish my powers worked for myself cause then i would have known that if i tried to pop my neck this morning at five i would have over done it. But no i did it anyways and now i can't move my neck or shoulder, am in a lot of pain and the left side of my face and head is in a ton of pain.... oh well i guess i can't have it all. every super power has it's drawbacks :)

Obstacles

THIS IS WHAT I"M HOPEING TO LOOK LIKE ONCE AGAIN HAHA (THATS NOT ME BY THE WAY) :)I'M JUST IN A ONE TREE HILL MOOD :)

Well today i will tell of the many obstacles our whole family is undertaking. We will start with Madylena. I believe that Mady is having the delightful experience of having another tooth break through. The past couple night she has refused to sleep as well as refused to take naps. SHe is usually only happy when held if put down at all she screams and bawls. That is pretty much what happened when her two bottom teeth came in so we will see. John of course is still having the ongoing battle of his aweful nose. It is no fun for it gets so bad we usually have to sleep in different rooms because if we are in the same room neither of us get any sleep. I can't because he snores and he can't becuase i'm telling him to stop snoring :) so hopefully his medicines will start to work soon haha :) mine is the most on going. As most of you know you at least some of you... i have a syndrom called PCOS... poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. While i was nursing i was on a birth control safe while nursing and i didn't really like it. For the past month i haven't been on anything and my symptoms have come back full force. Loss of hair, weight gain or not losing weight, nonstop cramping. up and down emotions. acne, migrains, muscle pain, always tired, and the list goes on and on. woohoo! :) well i went to the doctors yesterday really expensive since i don't have insurance but hopefully worth it. Today i started YAZ. The last time i was on birth control i felt great lost 15 pounds, acne dissapeared, and i was feeling good. I've been wanting to get the Wii fit i hear it is awesome and a lot of people have lost weight with it but yet again the whole money situation stops that haha. I hope Yaz will Help me get back to normal or as normal as I can be haha. Wish me luck. :) Wish us all luck :) haha we will see what the future holds :)

shots

Today i'm talking about shots :) yesterday mady got some shots of her beautiful little mug six months can you believe it? it was so fun and they turned out so cute i can't wait to see all of them THANKS LAURA!!! today was mady's six month apt and she got some more shots but not the good kind she wasn't too happy about it although i'm a horrible mother and love when she gets them because that means she wants me all day and is so cuddley. and usually sleeps all through the night. I also got shots today. Shot in the stomach! haha not what you may be thinking. Went to sams club for some neccesities. 100 bucks!!! half a paycheck gone in about one second! oh how fun it is to be poor i hope we get our taxes real soon or we will be in trouble. haha good thing i didn't buy those clothes for mady yet or we would be in even more trouble :)

"Glory Days"

Sorry this post is a little deppressing so if you don't feel like getting down in the dumps with me don't read this...

I have been thinking about my life lately the past couple weeks. Don't get me wrong i am truely blessed for what i do have. A loving family, a careing and hardworking husband. And a healthy and absolutely beautiful little girl who i just want to squeeze because i can't possibley fathom how i could have such a wonderful little baby. The thing that seems to be missing in my life is me. I've changed and i don't neccesarily like what i see in the mirror. I'm not just talking about on the outside either. Although i don't like what i see there. I used to look in the mirror and see a beautiful young girl who loves life and most of the time herself. Yet now the only thing i have is hatred. I would see mothers with their kids in grubby clothes and no makeup and i'd say i will never be like that i want my husband to always think i am beautiful. But i have become that way. I see no point to getting all "prettied up" because even when i do i still cry when i look in a mirror. Who could look at this face? i am currently 50 pounds more than what i was when john and i first got married. I have two outfits that fit and only because my mother bought them for me. I were grubby clothes because that is all i have. I don't put on makeup because i feel ugly without or with it. I'm fat my tummy looks like grandma skin. whats the point? Nothing fits and no matter how much i excersice and starve myself i don't loose wieght. Where have i gone?
I used to stay up late at night writing songs. Listening to my ipod singing at the top of my lungs. Singing in my room till my family told me to shut up. The only time i sing now is in church leading the music because i have to. And it absolutely embarrasess me. Its not that i don't sound as good as i used to but that i truely cannot sing at all. My voice just dissapears. I screech and squeal when it reaches out of alto range. I've lost one of the most important things to me in my life. I've lost myself. How can i teach my daughter to have cofidence when i don't have any myself? i may sound like i'm having a woe is me party and im sorry but i just don't see how this could have happened. i sang better when i was two than i do now. I go through the motions of each day with no purpose for myself. I've emerged myself into my daughter and my husband and lost myself along the way. I know i am truely blessed for what i do have and i couldn't ask for more except maybe.... just maybe.. a little me.

well i'm still excersising and dieting and am in a rutt... sadly hopefulley i will lose more soon. Since it is halfway through the month i will share with you all my meal plan to remind me what i did because we are still doing good with not spending anymore money on groceries. Although do keep in mind that i have somewhat of a stocked pantry of flour sugar, cream of chicken soup, salt all the basics. If this works out you all can try it and save as much money as i hope we will. Keep in mind we also spend ten or so bucks a week or every other week on a date so the meals aren't everyday but with leftovers and stuff its probably 6/7 days which i'd say is really good, because when i was 9 months pregnant or when we had just had madylena we ate out like 4/7 days of the week. so here we go.
1rst- ate at family's
2nd- still at family's
3rdnd-ate dinner at a freinds birthday party
4th- take and bake pizza for football game night
5th- turkey broccolli cassarole- leftover turkey and brocolli from christmas
6th-cowboyhash with two leftover potatos frozen corn and left over roast from last month
7th- Ham and heavenly potatoes made from bought deli ham and leftover potato from cowboy hash.
8th- leftovers
9th- date night went out for mexican
10th-hamburgers(keep a stock of hamburger in the freezer)
11th-Home made toquitos from leftover roast in freezer from last month
12th- leftovers today was laundry day in IF
13th- made home made pizza for lunch used leftover hamburger and toppings
14th- today... we are having home made mac and cheese topped with bacon and broccoli for a veggie. This using the leftover bacon and cheese from sunday.

Well that is where i'm at this is mostly for me to remember but if you want to use it you can i can even give ya a grocery list for the month if you want it :) haha well i'm off to go make some meals to put in the freezer so i don't have to cook this weekend :) lovyall